I’M NOT “ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET.” I SIMPLY FIND GOING OUTSIDE TO BE A TERRIFYING, UNPLEASANT EXPERIENCE RIFE WITH DANGERS AND THE CONSTANT THREAT OF EYE CONTACT, SO I TRY NOT TO DO IT MORE THAN IS STRICTLY NECESSARY.
CAN WE GO BACK IN NOW? I’M EXPECTING A FACEBOOK MESSAGE.
HEY MICKEY, YOU’RE SO FINE. YOU’RE SO FINE YOU BLOW MY MIND.
HEY MICKEY!
*CLAP CLAP CLAP*
HEY MICKEY!
WHEN YOU ARE PETTING ME YOU ARE THE PAW OF A HUMAN BUT WHEN YOU’RE JUST LYING THERE, LITTLE HAND, THEN … THEN YOU ARE FOOD.
I AM GOING TO STALK AND DEVOUR YOU.
CAN HE LIVE IN MY BEDROOM HE IS MY TURTLE FRIEND.
HOLY SHIT, YOU GOT PIZZA ROLLS?
I LOVE YOU.
TRULY. MADLY. DEEPLY.
MAKING SALAD, LA LA LA. SALAD IS MY ONLY FRIEND. I LOVE SALAD. LA LA LA. I AM SO LONELY, OH MY GOD. SALAD SALAD SALAD. LA LA LA.